Mixed Messges

Well today I am thoroughly confused.

I like what I see in the mirror.  I am down to 117 lbs and I can definitely see my abs.  However, I just did photos, and as usual,they are horrible.

So which image is more accurate?  The one in the mirror (which admitedly isn't able to assess my butt) or the camera?

I feel so far away from where I need to be, and in actual fact I probably am.  The question that remains now is whether or not it is possible to bridge that gap in a mere 5 weeks.  I just don't know.  I understand that I am not an accurate judge-but on the flip side, I also know what my competition looks like (already) and they are feirce and shredded.  Can I be that lean on the day of the show-perhaps.  Do I wish I already looked like that, of course.  And seriously anyone who says I can't compare myself to others is nuts- hello,it's a competition,the whole point is that I am being compared to others.  So let's get real: today I do not measure up.

I am writing this post because I want on honest documentation of my feelings through this process and they are not always upbeat.

Except I was feeling much more confident prior to taking photos. I was content with the progress I was making, now I'm not so sure I'm moving fast enough.

Tomorrow is another day and I will continue to give 100%, I know that's all I can do-but it is hard to be patient with myself: I am uber-competitive, I don't like to lose.