4 am

So it is currently 4:30 in the morning-I have been wide awake for an hour.  I am still going to bed at my usual 9pm because I am exhausted, but I just can't seem to sleep through the night.  Combination of excitement, nerves and hunger are keeping me awake.  I keep running through my posing routines in my head.  I really wish I could sleep more-since though I'm up-I'm not functionally awake, in fact I am quickly transitioning into full out zombie mode.  Maybe once this first show is done I'll feel more confident and sleep more peacefully.

Show Week #1

I am so pumped up and feel absolutely amazing!!

I spent Saturday with Pamela Fitzgerald (of A Helathy Fit) working on my posing routines for 2 hrs.  So much fun!!! Unfortunately it was harsh on my lower back-but I got a nice massage from hubby and we will carry on.

I am crazy determined to see significant improvements in my legs between now and show #2 (on the 27th).  So today I started off with a bodyweight only-bootcamp style circuit for 1 hour.  Later in the morning (between rain showers) I did a 10K trail run-love these :)  And finally finished the day with my weight circuit and more posing practice at the gym with Suzanne (a fellow competitior this Saturday).  She is doing her first show in the Master's Athletic Category and looks awesome!!!

The diet hasn't been bothering me at all the last few days-so fingers crossed I stay strong this week to really hit the cardio!

Posing Class

I am always so nervous when I attend these classes.  I always assume I am going to be the "fat kid" who doesn't look ready to step on stage.  Well, last night proved to be different.  Most of the girls there were novices (this was going to be their first show) and in the exact same condition as me-for the most part.  This of course made me feel more confident. (They are shooting for a show the week after mine, but still we were close.) 

What really boosted my confidence though was the ease with which I hit all my poses.  Being around so many beginners made me realize that I really do know what I'm doing-at least in terms of stage presentation :)  My abs were popping like an action figure, and my V-Taper was the best in the room.  The coolest thing was when the other girl's commented that I looked "normal" while we were sitting and chatting BUT that my whole physique changed the second I hit my poses.  That is supremely complimentary IMO!!!!

23...

Very, very, very bad neuralgia (spelling?) pain.  My face feels like it is on fire and I can barely open my mouth to speak.  Not a good condition for a teacher.  Definitely too much pain for the lovely hour of cardio I had planned for this evening.  Couch and TV is about all I can manage tonight.  Thank god for a long weekend becasue it looks as though I will be spending some extra time on the Stepmill.

24 Days til Mayham

Currently "kicked out" of my house, for a showing.  Maybe this will be the one ;)  I typically have not been doing weeknight showings because it is just to hectic with my training, the dog and work, but I caved on this one, because they were really persuassive.  So, puppy and I have been transplanted to my father's house-where I eat more leftovers out of tupperware instead of being able to enjoy the one meal I can actually cook fresh for myself.  Yeah, I know, suck it up.

Today has been odd, in that yesterday I told my lovely trainers that I felt I needed to turn it up a notch because despite eating minimal carbs and doing all the prescribed training I still felt great-and I remembered prep to feel much more grueling and exhausting.  Well lo and behold-I am shattered today.  Everything is an effort, I can't focus and I am stiff and sore.  The one bright spot where I was coherent,thankfully was the hour-long posing session I had with my choreographer sister, tweaking my presentation.  Fun and productive.  But now I am more sore.  I am very glad tomorrow is a cardio only day :)  And then a long weekend. Woo Hoo.  Which  of course, for me means more time I can spend doing cardio!!!

25 days to Mayham

I seem to be on an emotional rollercoaster of self-doubt.  One minute I am really proud of my progress: abs look good, tummy is flat,biceps are more full, triceps are starting to pop!!  But then I realize how much further I still have to go (particularly in my legs) and I start to doubt.

Emailed with the trainers and they are sooo right-I need to stay positive and consistent.  I am strong!  My ass looks fab-o in real life-probably the best it's ever looked, even if that is not the best on stage it is pretty spectacular for me, and I need to acknowledge that I am happy with :)  Consistancy actually hasn't been an issue for me this time around-but I need to keep at it, NO SELF SABOTAGE!  I am totally capable of rocking this thing.  I will not disappoitn myself or anyone else :)

THE dreams...

Bad nights sleep,as a result of having THE competition dreams.  It's show time but I don't have a suit, or my physique is not at all lean,or no tan ect...was pretty anxious all night too about getting up early to be at the gym right when it opened at 5:30, so I could workout and return home, shower, eat and drive hubby and the dog to their respective "homes" for the day before work.  I of course fit it all in,but I'm pretty damn tired,and felt less than stellar all day.

I did find some old journals and it turns out this the weight I was last time with 4 weeks to go.  The better news is that I know right now Iam carrying that weight with much more muscle mass-so hooray!!

Unfortunately now I am also battling a resurgence of my neuralgia (brought on from the still healing jaw of my facial recostruction from 2 years ago).  I have not experienced any pain for a 4 months-and today out the blue BAM!! Agony, hopefully I'll wake up much more shiny tomorrow.

"Low" Carb Week

So this week was "lower" carbs than my previous meal plans. I'll be honest I didn't really feel it.  I have not been hungry or low on energy overall.  It has been a little harder to get out of bed super early-but what I haven't been able to do in the morning, I have more than made up for in the afternoons.  I really feel like I killed all of my workouts this week.  No drops in lifting weight-and even increased on a few exercises!!

Emotionally I have felt content and balanced this week too. Of course I have had cravings and want to eat the entire pastry section of the grocery store, but as soon as I actually consume one of my meals,I feel fine again (and even full).

Noticing lots of muslce in my upper body,which is making me quite excited:) My legs of course still need to come down-but I am noticing progress.

I am at 114lbs-and lost another 0.5 inch off my waist and thighs so all in all a successful week.

Been watching the Olympia via webcasts-God is that ever inspiring!!  The girl's physiques are soooo impresive.  Another year of solid training and I will be that much closer to my ideal look too ;)

A Lovely Day...

I feel wonderful today!!!

116.5 lbs. Down 1/4 inches all over!!!  And, not to sound too conceited but my butt looks fan-freakn'-tastic!!!!

It was an upper body day, but I was really feeling legs so, that's what I decided to do instead.  Nice, moderately heavy squats, leg extensions,leg curls and a finishing set of 90reps Ball Curls=Hamstrings On Fire.

Took the puppy for an hour long stroll (the house had a showing) and still had energy enough left to return to the gym for 45 more minutes of stair mill and treadmill jogging.

A gloomy,rainy Saturday outside, turned into a lovely day to be inside (the gym, that is).  Feeling much more on point and confident.

4 weeks to go-Rock On!

PS to previous blog

The camera sucks-I am trusting my eyes!!!!  My body is making excellent changes.  I am proud of the work I am accomplishing!

Mixed Messges

Well today I am thoroughly confused.

I like what I see in the mirror.  I am down to 117 lbs and I can definitely see my abs.  However, I just did photos, and as usual,they are horrible.

So which image is more accurate?  The one in the mirror (which admitedly isn't able to assess my butt) or the camera?

I feel so far away from where I need to be, and in actual fact I probably am.  The question that remains now is whether or not it is possible to bridge that gap in a mere 5 weeks.  I just don't know.  I understand that I am not an accurate judge-but on the flip side, I also know what my competition looks like (already) and they are feirce and shredded.  Can I be that lean on the day of the show-perhaps.  Do I wish I already looked like that, of course.  And seriously anyone who says I can't compare myself to others is nuts- hello,it's a competition,the whole point is that I am being compared to others.  So let's get real: today I do not measure up.

I am writing this post because I want on honest documentation of my feelings through this process and they are not always upbeat.

Except I was feeling much more confident prior to taking photos. I was content with the progress I was making, now I'm not so sure I'm moving fast enough.

Tomorrow is another day and I will continue to give 100%, I know that's all I can do-but it is hard to be patient with myself: I am uber-competitive, I don't like to lose.

Another busy weekend...

There are 6 showings booked for my home this weekend!!!  This is fabulous-however it also means I have no time to make the changes that the "stager",who came on Thursday suggested.  Hopefully people will like the house as is, but since it hasn't sold yet, this does not seem to be the case :(

On the training side-I feel mentally back on track.  So far I have had 3 perfect meals today and have already completed a grueling leg workout with weights.  I am headed back to complete my cardio very shortly,so today will be a success!

This will have to be my new approach-meal by meal-hour by hour trying to make things work.  Time is clearly at a premium so literally every usuable minute counts.

I am getting a new workout regime for next week-very excited.  Not sure if the food will change-no matter what,even if it's less, a change is always motivating.  Of course being this close is motivating too.

So today's stats:
Unfortunately up 0.5lb-back at 119.
Waist 27
Hips 36 (down!)
Thigh 20.75 (down!)
Shoulders 40 (holding steady!)

Other than my weight-can't complain about the numbers, especially given how off track last week was.

Lost the thread

So first and foremost I meant to keep this  blog much more active-but I actually lost the account name it is attached to-so I couldn't find it to post LOL!!

This is pretty much par for this entire week.  I have been completely swamped and positively LOST!  I have been thrown back into the swing of things with work and an extra long commute.  So I have really been fudging things with my program,trying to juggle my schedule to fit things in.  So where I've missed cardio one day I've tried (not always successfully) to go for longer the next day.  As of today I have completed all my weights workouts.  As for food, at least I have been erring on the side of less-I have been missing my last meal of the day fairly regularly.  Of course this is resulting in me waking up famished and having a suck-y workout. 

On Tuesday I had a full out cheat meal (apologies to coach Julia), we went out for a friend's birthday dinner at Zen Kitchen (organic/vegan/paleo restaurant).  This is a gourmet restaurant with phenomenal flavours and quality ingredients-so yes, I indulged. Hopefully things will balance out this weekend, but the scale was not friendly this morning :(

Okay-I have found the thread-I will spend the weekend prepping, doing extra cardio and generally trying to get back on track.

6 weeks to go!

So I am 6 weeks away from Physique Canada's second show the year.  At present I am only registered to compete in Figure, but as,once again I don't think I have acquired enough muscle, I may pay the extra money to compete in the Athletic category as well.

Despite dropping 1.5 lbs this week, I am really starting to doubt that I will be ready in time.  I procrastinated and half-assed my diet for so long that now I am having to play catch-up.  I feel like despite being off all summer I only started truly dieting 3 weeks ago.  So change is happening slowly.

Currently my carb intake sits at around 100-120g (including fibre) and I am doing about 50-60 mins of cardio 6x week with 5xweek weight sessions.  I have a ton of energy and don't seem to be losing strength, so that is good.

Emotionally this week I was all over the map (but work started again and there were definitely some hormone issues too), but not enough to make me stray from my diet-that is a huge positive.

Some other physical positives are that I have more biceps and more quad sweep.  My stomach is coming in too.  I won't dwell on the negatives-I know what they are and they are going to be a work-in-progress right up until show time.

So today I am 118.5lbs.  My last show I weighed in at 110lbs, obviously I would like to be lighter and leaner than that this time around.  It's funny, I can't find my journal from last time-hence why I writing this here, so I don't know if my concern is justified or if this is where I was starting from then too.  Really all I can do is stick to my plan and be the best I can be on the day.